I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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