She's JV to your varsity
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize