So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
