I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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