wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
