on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
