Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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