Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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