I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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