I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
