The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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