Already got asked if we're dating
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
