if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
