Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
