my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
