Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize