Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
