let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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