hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
