i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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