i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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