I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
