her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
