dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
