Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
