We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i will never coherently bang her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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