I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
