This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
PANTIES FOUND
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
