imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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