four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
