Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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