If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
