I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
