I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
