i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
