My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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