Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
