you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
