Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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