Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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