:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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