when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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