All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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