I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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