It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
