like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
