Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize