And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
