I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
