If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
