"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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