i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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