You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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