Kiss
Puke
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
