i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize