I'm lost and stupid without you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
