Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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