I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
