I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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