I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
