Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
