I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize