I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize