my mouth tastes like poor choices
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
