dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
