While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
