But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
