some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
