I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Welp...herpes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
