is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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