Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
