Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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